Mutual Giving in Relationships
by the staff of Life Outreach Int'l
"And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)
Over the years, Life Today’s guests have offered great practical and spiritual advice to enrich and heal marital relationships. While last week's Valentine's Day celebration provides a good opportunity to display one's love, there are some deeper principles that should be practiced year-round. When the candy is gone and the flowers have withered, God's Word points us to some more eternal values in romance and marriage.
James and Betty Robison understand that couples face competing demands and challenges, especially when they navigate through years of raising children. Just as our spiritual intimacy with God requires special prioritization, maintaining marital oneness requires disciplined time and effort.
Couples can experience new levels of emotional sharing and honest communication by planning time alone without children. It is important for husbands and wives to get alone and express their neediness to each other. Openness comes when we learn to listen to each other and hear our spouse’s heart as much as their words.
Developing some common interests and hobbies can also bring couples closer. James and Betty continue to build closeness by enjoying memorable times together, enhanced by beautiful settings. In that environment they can more easily focus on hearing what God is saying to them as they discuss each other’s hopes and desires for the future.
James enjoys Betty’s involvement with his hobbies, but he has given supportive time to her interests by accompanying her to the shopping mall. He knows she values his opinion of her wardrobe. They have learned they must work diligently at mutual giving.
Life Today guests, Bill and Pam Farrell author books that give practical and romantic suggestions to deepen the relationships of budget-conscious couples. They use stories from their early years of marriage to assist couples in strengthening and understanding each other.
Bill stated that the only way to understand a woman’s perspective was for Pam to share her needs and desires with him. He makes sure she gets the opportunity to express herself honestly and emotionally.
Those times of emotional sharing have taught him what she needs most is for him to listen to her hurts and her concerns. “I respond by showing her I care about her feelings, but I learned that I don’t have to give her answers, nor do I need to fix her,” he admits. In the process, Bill has learned to take the risk, open up and share his own heart with the one he loves.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, another recent guest and marriage expert, would tell you that open sharing is what a woman needs most. He believes it makes her feel loved. He challenges couples to take a new look at the Paul’s insightful words in Ephesians 5: 33.
“Husbands must love their wives, and wives must respect their husbands.”
Eggerichs’ book, Love and Respect, encourages women to ask themselves a question before they speak to their husbands. “Is what I’m about to say to my husband going to come across to him as respectful or disrespectful?”
He advises wives to give their husbands a gift of respect even if the husband doesn’t deserve it. He suggests that the wife soften her facial expression and tone down her voice as she confronts her husband’s unloving behavior. His studies show some amazing results where the wife followed this advice. “The husbands actually soften in their response, engaged and stayed that way as the wife shared her concern.”
“The wife’s one driving need is to feel loved for who she is, and when that need is met, she feels fulfilled. A woman breathes in love like she breathes in air.” Eggerichs warned, “So husbands, don’t step on your wives’ air hose!”
Mutual giving and submitting in love esteems the other person in a relationship. Humility is required put submission and an attitude of giving into action, but it will bless the entire Body of Christ, not just couples.
Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing. (Philippians 2:3-4, NLT)
Verse 5 summarizes the way we are to live, and the attitude we must have toward others. “Let the same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus; [Let Him be your example in humility. Amplified Version]
As Christ fills us with His indwelling Spirit, we are empowered to give of ourselves, as Jesus did, in humility. He not only our role model; He also equips us with the power to live for the benefit of others and for the oneness in our relationships.
This Week
Take a fresh look at the greater mystery of oneness in the marriage relationship. Read Ephesians 5:31-33.
Prayer
"Father, forgive me for allowing selfishness and pride to steer me away from modeling my life after Christ’s. I submit to you Lord. Help me relate with humility to my spouse and esteem others more highly than I do myself."
